Milwaukee Brewer’s Prince Fielder Says Detroit Looks Awful

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DETROIT-Prince Fielder was finally able to take a good hard look at Detroit and realized that it didn’t look nearly as awful during his childhood when his father was a member of the Tigers as it does today.

“Wow,” mutter Fielder as he gazed at the city of blight and decay in front of him. “I do not remember this city being such a piece of crap when I was a kid. What the hell happened here?”

Though Fielder was in Detroit during the off season to finalize his contract and be introduced by the team, he admits the trip was brief and busy, and did not afford him the time to get out in the city. Now that the regular season has begun and he’s been able to settle in, Fielder has been able to see what a terrible city Detroit is.

“Man,” said a dejected Fielder. “I just assumed it hadn’t changed much from when I was a kid. I couldn’t have been more wrong. I can’t believe I’m spending my next nine years here. But hey, at least I get to spend some time in Cleveland and Chicago’s south side. Those places are still nice, right?”